It's my party

So I was at this party where the host had invited 250 friends and relatives. There was lots of laughs shared and conversations had and for the most part it was a pretty good time. Except the host kept walking through the room with a megaphone saying a bunch of incredilby offensive things.

They would rant out their extreme opinions on whatever was being talked, much to the surprise of their guests- Opinions so extreme that they usually offended a large group of people who were actually AT THE PARTY.  Politics, religion, guns, even sexuality and race - nothing was taboo for this host.

Quite often the host was just ignored, but ocassionally when something was over the top, one of the offended persons would stand up and be like "I'm sorry but that is really offensive".  And the host would throw a fit, claiming it was their party and they could say what they want.

And technically the host is correct, except it wasn't a party - it was Facebook - which is kinda like a party. 

I have strong opinions on controversial things as well. But I will discuss those opinons with close friends, family, and like-minded individuals.  Sure I rant on my blog, but you aren't going to see me take to here and be down-right offensive to a large segment of the population.  Especially a segment that is apparently close enough to have come to my party!

When you say something offensive on Facebook, everyone at your party can see it. And what's worse, they can see when someone you've offended speaks up. 

Please people, don't be the person on a megaphone.  I do encourage you to always have an opinon, even if it is controversial, but please be cognizant of the fact that your opinion may be offensive.  And to those who feel that "if they don't like what I have to say, they can just unfriend me"... you know what.. I hope they all do.

I do beleive that we should all be able to speak our minds. But we should not be hurtful to each other. I think there is a fine line and people need to recognize where that is.

Finding your happiness

Last night I was in bed reading one of those Chicken Soup For The Soul books. As I finished reading a truly inspiring story about a dying girl with a truly remarkably positive outlook on life, I closed the pages and fell asleep thinking about how I'm going to cherish each day and enjoy living every moment while I still get them.
And then today happened...

1. I slept in
2. I realized I forgot to take chicken out of the freezer for dinner last night
3. The coffee I bought was not right
4. I had a frustrating day at work (I'm not blogging the details)
5. I bought a quilt block ruler on my way home only to get home and discover it was broken
6. The chicken didn't thaw out in the fridge
7. I overcooked the meatballs I cooked instead
8. I realized I didn't have any tomato paste left so my sauce was too runny
9. We are out of decaf coffee

Ok, so I realize that some people in this world have real problems and that mine are so minuscule that they shouldn't even register... But SERIOUSLY... Come ON universe.... Please... Not so much in one day!

I'd like to say that I'm going to start tomorrow off on a more positive note, but I have a dentist appointment. At 8am. I'll start the day after with a smile.

Good night moon.

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Your goals are bad and you should feel bad.

One of the trends I'm seeing on Pinterest lately is bucket list boards. Exept I feel as if maybe a lot of the teenagers on Pinterest don't really understand the concept of a bucket list and what it means. Either that or some people are just that shallow.

Here are some of the pins I've found that make me want to throw the computer out the window and never look at the internet again.

Really? REALLY? Getting hair extensions is one of thing that you want to do before you die? I mean, if you want extensions that is cool and all... but I have a hard time believing that anyone would be on their death bed and feel as if their life was not fulfilling because they never had hair extensions.

Ok, so I have an iPhone. It's not that special. It makes me sad for humanity that a disposable consumer good is something that would find it's way to a bucket list.

 This one isn't quite as bad. Something from Tiffany & Co. could be passed on through the generations. But this one gets a spot here as another example of the consumerism filled bucket lists.

And my favorite. Own a 96 color eye shadow palette. SERIOUSLY? It's not good enough to have one with 12, 24, or 50 colors. Before you die you must have 96... inside of a single palette.

Teenagers of Pinterest. I encourage you to set bigger goals for your life. And to learn the difference between a wish list and a bucket list.  Think about having experiences rather than things. The happiness they give you lasts much, much longer.

As inspiration, here are some of the more redeeming bucket list pins I found.

Pizza can be cruel

I did something this evening that for many people would be cruel and unusual punishment. I ate half a pizza and then tried on all my bathing suits.

We are away in a couple months and I've been browsing online looking for new bathing suits. Victoria Secret has their swim sale on right now so I had a few tabs open on my iPad. I had just finished dinner (half a pizza) when I decided it was time for a shower. I picked up my iPad to check on something and remembered I wasn't sure what size bottoms I needed. I figured since I was getting ready to shower I would just try on the bathing suits I had and see how they currently fit and how many of them would be good for this trip.

Uhg. I hated it. I looked in the mirror and thought I should just wear a moo-moo for the whole week. It's funny because I've actually LOST weight since the last time we went away. So I really shouldn't have been down about it. I think it was the fact that I had just eaten half a pizza. (Not even a big pizza, one of those small Dr Oetker ones!)

So as I'm standing in the shower thinking about what I want to say in a blog post about the silly thing I had just done and how much I was hating myself at that moment, the hot water ran out. Instantly icy cold water shocked me back to reality.  And I laughed at myself because you know what-- I'm almost 30 and I'll wear whatever I goddam want to on the beach. And I'll drink. A lot. And I won't care because I'll be having too much fun. And I look good dammit.

If you need further reminder of how I feel on this matter, please go back to December and read this post.

Can Pinterest make me skinny?

Let me first start by saying that I love Pinterest. I've found so many great ideas for my home, kitchen, and life. It really is a great source of inspiration. (Or things to just copy-cat). 

When Pinterest started gaining in popularity it had one big problem. It was filled with pro-ana material and "thinporation."  They were very quick to change their terms of service to dissallow this type of content, but it hasn't fully gone away.  It's definately more subtle, and wrapped up to look like diet and healthy lifestyle content.  I normally don't feel compelled to say anything about what I find on here, but the other day I found a pin that really agravated me.

The reason why this bothers me so much is because it's just wrong. As in incorrect. Infactual. And kind of a dumb idea.  The idea of this pin was that if you follow along and go without the specified thing each month then you will be "bikini ready" for summer.  I'm not a nutritionist, a doctor, or even someone with any formal training on healthy living. What I do have is enough personal life experience to say THIS WILL NOT WORK.  Let's break this down.

1. Each thing you "go without" for a month is actually a really good idea. But simply removing something from your life for 30 days and then allowing it back in isn't going to have any long term effects. You need to make long term changes in your life to see any long term changes in your body.

2. How much biscuits, gravy, and soda are you consuming that giving it up for 30 days would have ANY sort of effect? 

3. Here is a much better idea: All Months - Don't exceed your calorie limit, enjoy all foods in moderation, and choose fruites and vegetables whenever possible. Every week record how you FEEL. After 6 months go back and compare how you feel now to how you felt when you started.  Also try excersising. Maybe go for a jog.

If you take nothing else from this, remember: "Bikini ready" is a FEELING. If you feel good in it, then you rock it girl.

I'm afraid of sourdough

I actually love sourdough bread. One of the yummiest things I can think of from my childhood is a big piece of that crusty bread with cheese and kielbasa. I also really enjoy baking things; so if you think about it, it should be a logical idea that I would make sourdough bread occasionally. Nope.

Every once in a while I get the idea in my head that I will. I go online and look up a recipe. You can't just throw ingredients in a bowl and expect sourdough bread to come of it. You need sourdough starter. As I read through how to make that I get so queasy and grossed out that I abandon the idea completely.

Do you KNOW how sourdough starter is made? Let me explain...

First you mix yeast, milk, water, and flour. Then you let it sit for a day on the counter. (Ok... Kinda ick but I can handle that.) on the second day you mix more flour and milk and water and add it to your mixture. Only then can we refrigerate this beast. Every day you go in and mix it up.... All the while it is gaining in volume. (Starting to really creep me out here!) after I think 4 days, you are supposed to give away half of your nasty yeasty mixture to a friend and keep your other half.

So from there you can make sourdough bread. It doesn't sound THAT bad, and I could probably handle it if it wasn't for the next part. You don't use it all... Oh no... You let this jar live in your fridge, and once a week you FEED it more milk/water/flour mixture. You have something in your fridge... Essentially going bad... That you FEED so it continues to grow. How are other people not completely repulsed by this idea?

Science is gross.

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The warmest hobo

Its the time of year again where the hours of day light is shorter, the temperatures are lower, and my pride in my appearance plummets to uncomfortable lows.

9 months out of the year I really love fashion. I dedicate a lot of time to trying to make he latest trends work for my body and pulling together go-to outfits that make me look pulled together. It's fun and I really enjoy the process of finding new clothes and dressing myself. And when I have an outfit that is just right, my hair, makeup, and accessories get just a little more love to help polish off the look.

Spring is so freeing. The super cute shoes all come out of the closet, the lighter fabrics make their appearance. The skirts! The dresses! I'm like a flower waiting to bloom!

Summer comes and brings with it so many new fashion possibilities. Summer is all about colour and I can't help but smile when I look at all the fun things I wore this summer. Bright green jeans with a hot pink blazer! Neon blue fit an flare dress covered in red cherries!

Then it's time for fall. Fall fashion is m absolute favorite. Leggings, cardigans, boots, light easy layers. Fall provides hands down the most flattering fashions for me. Some days are just warm enough to pull off a summer dress if you pair it with leggings and a cardigan. I get the most mileage out of my clothes in September and October.

But then winter comes. Suddenly the leggings aren't warm enough and you have to consider pants. The little cardigan just won't keep me warm either so I have to switch to a heavier sweater. As the days get shorter, the morning sunlight disappears and I'm getting ready for work while it is still dark outside. When you wake up in the cold and dark it gets increasingly difficult to care. One day you decide to wear a pair of jeans. Then a few days later it is jeans and a hoody. Getting deeper into winter you care less about looking good and more about just staying warm and being cozy. Wearing heavier layers you don't notice that you have gained a couple pounds. Your skin gets dry from the harsh temperatures and windy days; maybe you try a new product to moisturizer but hat just gives you super oily skin and you break out.

One day around mid March I will start thing about all the spring fashions I am starting to see in magazines. And I will look in the mirror and wonder what the fuck happened to me. Somehow over the winter I have started to look like a hobo.

Maybe with this insight I can prevent this cycle this year. I'm headed to Whitehorse for work trip in a few weeks. I'm struggling to find outfits that are business appropriate but will keep me super warm during times I have to go outside. (Mostly to and from vehicles.) Really thought, I just want to wear track pants an a wool sweater from December through February.

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Couch shopping is traumatizing me

We need a new couch pretty badly. When we moved out of our apartment this past weekend, we actually left ours next to the dumpster. It has some tears in it, and one leg was broken. If we both sat on the couch, one of us was always down hill from the other. Bad situation all around.

So we are in our new home and trying to settle in, but it is difficult to chill out when you have one chair that is doesn't belong at the dining room table. So off to the local mass market furniture emporiums we go.

I have to say that in all the stores we went to, I can't seem to find one with an appropriate level of customer service. Maybe I'm just a bitch, but I don't want to be followed around like a sketchy teenager. Ok seriously, I am not going to be shoplifting from the furniture store so please... Just let me browse in peace! I know where to find you when and if I have a question.

At Bad Boy I actually asked the sales person (politely!) to give us some time to browse alone. He said ok, but then proceeded to follow us around very closely anyways. STOP WATCHING ME SHOP! It made me so anxious hat I just wanted to leave the store. So we did. I can't commit to a large purchase like this when you stress me out.

At The Brick we had the exact opposite experience. Which is funny because their furniture is twice the price. We actually had a sofa and love seat combo that we loved, and when we wanted to get information about their current promo, we couldn't find a sales person. When we did, he said one moment, then went to get us a different person. She came over, we asked our question, she went away, and sent a THIRD person to talk to us. I know we are not middle aged yet but I promise we have currency we want to give you in exchange for goods! I guess the lack of people wanting our money there was good thought because it gave me time to reflect on how much I actually want to spend on a sofa.

The whole process of choosing a couch is traumatizing me. I give up, I'm going to Ikea. Again. Ikea loves me. They understand me.

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Buying jeans makes me hate myself a little

I need new jeans. Again. Every time I need new jeans the task of acquiring them takes me months. Seriously, months.  I'm pretty sure that the "just-right" pair of jeans for me does not exist.  Sometimes I think I've found the magical pair that meet all my criteria, but soon after something goes wrong and I'm back to needing a new pair.

I don't think I'm asking a lot from my jeans either.  I just want a durable pair that fit me in all the right places, are not faded or distressed, are the correct length, and don't cost a noticeable fraction of my salary.  Is that too much to ask?

I fail to see the value of $120 pair of jeans.  Which I realize makes this even more difficult. My husband will pay whatever it costs to get good jeans since they are the only kind of pants he wears.  Last year we were in Lucky Brand Jeans store getting him some and I was bored so I tried on a pair.  It was like the flowers suddenly bloomed and the birds started singing. These were the most magical pair of jeans I had ever tried on.  My butt looked incredible and they fit perfectly everywhere.  I decided it was time to spend the big bucks on jeans.  Four months later they were garbage.  They had worn a few holes in them in various spots. I was heart broken.  It wasn't like I wore them every day either.  I wear jeans maybe 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes less.

Whenever I finally do find a pair from a random clothing store that are in the $50 range they fit alright. Never perfect, but well enough that they will do.  Within a few months though the butt is all stretched out and saggy looking. Bringing me back to needing new jeans.

So today I was at the mall trying on jeans.  I went to the Levis store.  The associate tried to explain to me the curve ID, which seems to be fancy marketing speak for "we have different cuts of pants".  With too many different shapes of pants, not a single pair fit me in the right way.  The curvier ones gave me saggy butt, the less curvy ones gave me muffin top.  The whole process made me hate myself a little bit.

Yesterday I was at Winners looking through the jean selection.  That was even more depressing. Every pair of jeans in that store was either made for teenagers or "mom jeans".  Nothing for someone who is neither of those.

Why does buying jeans need to be so difficult?  It's pants.  I give less thought to buying leggings and they show off ALL the flaws.  Jeans are supposed to be the pants you put on with a t-shirt when you don't give a fuck.  How can they be my go-to pants when they cause this much headache?

I probably have rabies

I am a big fan of self-diagnosis. A the first sign of any symptom I am all over the internet trying to figure out what is wrong with me. A few months ago I had gastritis (like legitimately diagnosed as such by a medical professional.), so when months later other symptoms arrised I naturally tried to find a way to link it to that via the Internet.

Allergy season came and went and while everyone was complaining about how bad they were this year, I insisted I actually  had chronic esophagitis. One day in there I was sure it was actually lung cancer.

I play roller derby and I get bruised quite a bit. One day my skates were not fitting quite right and I was wearing really thin socks which caused rubbing on my ankle that bruised really bad. Diabetes. Knee pain from practice - osteoarthritis.

Which brings me to rabies. I was bit by a freaking dog the the other day. And the owner was a complete asshat about it.  I was walking down he sidewalk and there was a lady walking her small dog ahead of me going very slowly. I moved to pass them on the right when the dog growelled and jumped out, biting my leg. I screamed ouch and jumped away. The lady kept walking. I'm like "excuse me!!! Your dog just BIT me!".  The lady told me I shouldn't have snuck up on them and then calmly walked away.  I was stunned. How do you just walk away from a situation like hat without taking ANY responsibility? So to that lady I just want to say a big FUCK YOU.  I reported it to public health, but without a name they can't do much. I don't wish anything bad to happen to the dog. I just want a safe city for all people and animals. What if the dog bites a kid?  I was lucky, it didn't break the skin, just left a big bruise and a lot of anger.